Always and Never Alone
by Savvy Sammy-13
Summary: The Governor is slowly descending into madness. He takes a vulnerable girl on the descent with him. Can what begins as his own selfish reasons turn into something true? What happens when she falls for him, unknowing of his emotional baggage and not sure of the things he is capable and willing to do. Gov/Oc Please read and review!
1. So Lovely, So Lonely

_Author's Note: I feel quite terrible for starting another story when I'm working on so many. I don't believe this one will be quite as long as my others. I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Ya'll have my word that I WILL finish the others I started. This one is a lot different than the others I've done. It is the first that won't have Daryl as a main character. Please Review and let me know what you think! This is all just a try so reviews would be helpful._

* * *

Phillip looked down at the woman lying before him on the ground. Her cheeks were flushed, but he couldn't be sure if it was from an earlier struggle or from the sweltering heat of the Georgia day. Bits of pine straw and leaves were tangled in her blonde hair. His eyes roamed hungrily over her small frame. Her skin glistened slightly from the thin layer of sweat that had formed on her skin beneath the blistering sun. She was so vulnerable, lying there unconscious. She looked so lonely, but so lovely. There was an almost sad but also content expression on her face.

_She looked like Anne. _

It was the first thought that had forced its way into his frazzled mind. _It had to be the hair,_ Phillip told himself as he once again eyed the blonde waves that laid messily splayed about her face and the ground behind her head. She wasn't the first blonde he'd seen. She definitely wasn't the first to set foot inside Woodbury. What was it about this one? His wife...why did everything have to remind him of her? The familiar pang of sadness hit him hard.

The woman's eyes were closed and he found himself wondering what color they would be. Phillip almost wished she would open them and look up at him. Would they be brown like Anne's had been?

His eyes trailed down the soft, pale skin of her neck and to the tank top she wore. It was black like the bra he could see barely poking out in a few places. The woman was small framed, delicate and very feminine. The small, round shape of her breasts was slightly visible from the angle she was laying. The black tank top covered her flat stomach until it met her dirt stained jeans. The jeans hugged the curve of her hips and ass, staying tight on her legs until they splayed out at her dirty sneakers.

"What are we gonna do with her Governor?" Merle asked as he stepped forward for his own look at the woman.

"Who'd she see?" Phillip asked his one handed guard numbly.

"Don't know," Merle muttered. "Don't think she got a good look at any of us."

"Who did this?" Phillip reached down and slightly brushed her blonde hair back to reveal the gash he'd noticed right away.

"That was me," Merle said. "Snuck up behind her and hit her. Didn't wanna kill her just wanted to knock her out."

Phillip chewed at his bottom lip. Most of the other men were at his side now, staring down at the woman too.

"We ain't takin her back are we?" Crowley asked. "She's out of it, can't we just-"

Phillip stared back at his eager guard. He knew what Crowley wanted to do to the woman, but he waited for him to finish his suggestion anyway.

"Can't we fuck her and then get rid of her? I mean what if she _did _see one of us. We're gonna bring her back knowing that she ain't gonna trust us?"

Phillip looked back over at the now mutilated body of a man only a few feet away. The man wasn't the first casualty of this new world, and this girl wouldn't be the second.

_But she looked like Anne. _The thought once again clogged his mind, controlling his decisions and making him think through them more carefully than usual.

Crowley bent down beside her. Phillip watched him reach down and feel for a pulse. It wasn't necessary. Crowley knew as well as everyone else that Phillip had already checked her pulse for himself. She indeed had one. It was rather weak, but she was alive. Crowley's examination was just his poor excuse to touch the woman.

Crowley's hand slid down her neck, passed her collarbone and farther down.

"Hey!" Phillip barked angrily. "Don't touch her."

The sudden anger than coursed through his veins and caused him to lash out surprised even him.

Crowley looked up at him immediately. He was obviously surprised at his superior's sudden worries of not touching one of the women they'd found. She wasn't the first that they'd come upon. Not all of the women made it back to Woodbury with them as guests though. Some of them had merely seen too much to be trusted. Crowley's hand left her skin immediately.

"Well what are _you_ gonna do with her?" He demanded.

Phillip scowled back at the man, making him back away immediately.

"What Crowley means, is," Merle stepped in. "We did all the dirty work here. I think he just wants to have a little fun. Ain't no use in killin her for nothin."

"We ain't gotta bring her back in the city though," Crowley said quickly. "We'll clean up everythin. Get rid of all the evidence, just like the others. What's so special about her?"

Phillip stared back at Merle and then Crowley before his eyes fell back on the young woman.

* * *

Ella forced her eyes open. Pain radiated from her sore head so intensely that she saw dark splotches before her eyes. Panic tightened her chest and her hands shot out blindly reaching and desperately searching for some clue of her surroundings. Her fingers grasped the smooth, cool touch of a sheet and the soft texture of a mattress. She fought to keep her eyes open as her surroundings began to clear.

"Paul," she choked out his name. The weakness and pure vulnerability in her voice scared her.

She remembered all to well the yells and screams as she ran through the thick underbrush of the woods. The sticks and briars scratched and tore at her skin, but she hadn't slowed down. She could feel the slight burning from the scratches on her arms now. Adrenaline had kept her from feeling them at the time, but now she felt them, along with the bone shattering pain that made her lower her head back onto the pillow. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and the familiar lump grew in her throat. Ella squinted her eyes closed tightly, paralyzed with fear and pain. She soon lost consciousness again, drifting right back into the darkness of her own dreams.

* * *

Phillip sat at his little wooden table in his apartment. The woman's brown shoulder bag sat opened in front of him. He carefully pulled out one of the contents at a time, laying it to the side before reaching in for something else. He opened a pocket knife and examined it for a short moment before he closed it back. There were a few nonperishable food items and a few other survival gear items like rope and empty water bottles. Phillip waited to pull out the most eye catching of the contents until last. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he turned the cover of a small, pink photo album.

A photo album wasn't something he expected for people to still carry around. It seemed like it would be one of the easily forgotten items when in a panic or rush. Photos kept old memories alive. Phillip had kept plenty of them, reminding himself time and time again what his life had been like a few short months ago. They also kept old wounds from healing. He found himself constantly losing touch of reality whenever he looked at the pictures of Anne and Penny. He'd go back in time to when he had them both with him, before all of this had happened.

The first photo in the album was a photo of her and the man that hadn't been as lucky as she. His arms were wrapped tightly around her and they were both smiling with their cheeks pressed together. Phillip paused shortly, studying the woman's face. _Her eyes are brown. Just like Anne's._ It caught his attention immediately, making him pause even longer on the simple photo. He turned the next page quickly, eager to see what he'd find lying there. The next photo was of her alone. She was smiling happily back at the camera. She didn't look like the same lonely and vulnerable girl who was laid out in front of him an hour earlier.

Phillip slipped his fingers underneath the clear protector and pulled the photo out. His fingertips trailed down the glossy texture of the photo as he instinctively ran them on her face. Out of instinct, he flipped the photo over to the backside.

_Ella_.

That was her name. That was what was handwritten on the back, along with a date; but that didn't matter to him.

"Ella," He said her name softly, studying the way that it rolled off of his tongue.

His eyes flitted back to the picture frame sitting on his desk and he bit down on his bottom lip.

Phillip jumped up so quickly that he sent the wooden chair falling backwards behind him. It bounced loudly and clattered on the hard floor, but he ignored it. He sank down into his desk chair, immediately grabbing the picture frame off of his desk. It was the family portrait of him, Anne, and Penny.

He automatically held Ella's photo next to his wife's face. All of the breath left his body. She looked so much like her. _She was younger, but…_

Phillip's thoughts were thrown from his mind at the sound of a knock at his door. He groaned aloud as he looked to his blind covered window. It was getting dark outside. It could only be one person.

Phillip stomped to the door and threw it open. Sure enough, Jade stood before him. Her arms were crossed across her chest and her long black hair was tossed over the front of her right shoulder.

"Go away," he muttered.

"What?" her mouth fell open. "You don't-"

"No," he cut her off immediately. "Don't bother anymore."

"But Gov-"

Phillip met her eyes for a short second before he slammed the door back closed, cutting her off once again. Jade was nothing special. She wasn't like Anne, she was the complete opposite. She was a distraction when he was stressed. She was an outlet for him to release built up tension. He only used her and Jade knew it.

Jade wasn't cutting it anymore though. Time and time again he slept with her only to realize he felt dissatisfied. Maybe it was because he was stressed, or maybe he was just tired of her. Things were different when she'd first began coming to him. Now he felt out of control. Maybe it was finally all getting to him. The stress of running Woodbury and the constant threats had kept him from thinking about Anne and the life they'd left behind forever. Now it couldn't. It was all mixing together. Sex wasn't even doing it for him. It left him wanting more, just like almost every everyday activity did. Nothing was good enough. He only wanted more. He wanted Anne and Penny back, but his new role in Woodbury….He wasn't ready to trade that.

Phillip walked slowly back to the table. He let his fingers trail along the objects he'd retrieved from Ella's bag. There was something about her. He just couldn't get her out of his mind. Last he heard, she was still lying unconscious in the building they'd turned into their own hospital. Merle had hit her hard. If Phillip hadn't been there he knew what they would've done with her. He gave his guards some leeway, tried his best to give them ample opportunities to do whatever they wanted with the people that weren't worth bringing into Woodbury. He couldn't screen everyone himself, besides, they had needs too. Some people just weren't worth the trouble anyway. Ella wouldn't have been the first woman they'd taken into their own hands to deal with, but now he was glad that she hadn't been another one of them. He could care less about the man. Men were competition, especially new ones. The power needed to stay in his hands. Woodbury was his.

Phillip plopped back into his desk chair, taking another quick glance at Ella and his wife's pictures as he did. He opened his drawer and pulled out the notebook. It was his survivor book. It contained the name of every member of Woodbury. He flipped the pages slowly, studying the names he'd written. His tired eyes stopped on Anne's name. He'd never crossed it out. Why he'd written it, he wasn't even sure.

His eyes also stopped on Penny's name. He shook his head at the slanted lines that he'd drawn after her name. It was the stress. It was getting to him. Phillip angrily ripped out the scribbled on pages after her name and tossed them into the nearby waste basket.

He picked up the ballpoint pen and scribbled the name of the newest member of Woodbury into the notebook.

_Ella_

Phillip stared down at her name for a moment, until he became lost in his own thoughts once again.

* * *

"_It's okay, Ella," Paul's soothing voice whispered in her ear. His warm breath tickled her skin and sent comforting chills throughout her._

_Ella pressed her face into his chest, allowing him to hold her. One of his hands ran through her hair gently and the other stayed wrapped tightly around her, pulling her closer._

"_I'm sorry," she whimpered._

"_It's not your fault," he murmured._

"_Yes it is."_

"_Stop Ella," he whispered. Paul was always strong, always a rock; but even he couldn't hide the waver in his voice._

"_She's gone," Ella cried._

_At her words, Paul only squeezed her tighter; allowing her to lose herself in the familiar and comforting smell of his cologne. The warmth of his body radiated to hers, keeping the cold air around them at bay._

* * *

Phillip's boots clunked on the hardwood floor as he took a few steps closer to the bed. Ella was in a different position. Instead of lying flat on her back with her arms at her sides, she was now lying more on one side. Her face was turned ever more slightly in his direction. Her cheeks were still flushed and the bandage that covered the wound on her head needed to be changed. The scarlet stain had eased its way through the gauzelike material. The doctor hadn't bothered to clean the dried blood that stained the blonde hair nearby her wound. It bothered him. He fought the instinctive want to reach out and wipe it away. Instead, he busied himself with dropping his eyes to her arms. The soft skin of her arms were tainted with scratches from briars and sticks, from her blunder through the woods, he assumed.

Her skin had indeed been soft. He'd felt it when he carried her to the truck and then here into Woodbury. She'd laid limply in his arms, completely rag doll like and helpless. Her angelic face still looked pained and sad. He stared down at her, imagining Anne in her place. They looked so much alike. She was like a younger version of Anne.

"Hello Governor."

Phillip forced his eyes away from Ella's sleeping form. The middle aged black woman who took over the role of doctor made her way into the room.

"Has she been up?" Phillip asked as he cleared his throat.

"Not while I was in here," the doctor murmured softly.

"Are you going to wash the blood away?" he asked as he eyed her.

"Yes sir. I was just about to do that as soon as I change her bandage. What did you say happened to her?"

"I'm not sure," Phillip lied. "Maybe bandits or looters ransacked her camp. We got there in time to run them off."

The black woman stared back at him as if she was thinking.

"The world is a mess out there Dr. Lila," he murmured.

"I definitely believe you," the woman said after a few minutes. "The survivors you bring in are in worse and worse shape."

Phillip nodded.

"Well if she wakes up, let me know. Send for me. I won't be busy," he said as his eyes dropped back to her sleeping face once again.

"Sure thing, Governor," Doctor Lila said.

* * *

Ella's eyes flicked open. A confused cry escaped her lips. Instead of waking up to Paul's light caresses through her hair, she stared up at a black woman who was leaned over her. The pain from her head once again radiated down, making her squint her eyes back closed.

"Hold on sweetie, I'm changing your bandage. I know it hurts," The woman's soothing voice murmured.

A warm, wet cloth touched her face, making her jump.

"You've got a nasty bump there, and a concussion too I'd bet," the woman said softly.

"Where is he? Where's Paul?" Ella asked frantically. She forced her eyes back open and sat up, quickly pushing the woman's hands off of her.

"The Governor will be in to talk to you in a little while," the woman said softly.

"Who?" Ella asked. "What happened? Why am I here?"

Her eyes searched around the small room frantically. There were a few cots and medical supplies positioned around the room.

"They found you sweetheart. The Governor and his men did. They brought you in. You'd be dead if you were still out there."

Ella reached up and touched her gauze covered head tenderly.

"Where _am_ I?" she demanded again.

The black woman didn't acknowledge her this time. She busied herself, rewrapping some of the gauze onto the roll.

Ella threw back the sheet that covered her dirt stained clothes and threw her legs over the side of the bed.

"No no no honey," The woman was at her side quickly. "You won't make it far."

The pain in Ella's head persuaded her to allow the woman to ease her back onto the bed, but she didn't lay back.

"Oh right on time, Governor," The black woman said suddenly, bringing Ella's attention to the now opened doorway.

* * *

Phillip stepped into the room. He was slightly taken back that Ella was sitting up in bed. He walked toward the bed slowly, taking her in completely. Her eyes were dark, exactly like Anne's. Seeing them in them in the picture had been breathtaking, but seeing them opened in front of him was a completely different and breathtaking sight.

"Where's Paul? Do you know where my husband is?" The young woman's voice sounded strained. The bandage on her head was now clean and the few dried blood smears were washed away.

The words that Phillip had successfully planned out and ran through in his head were gone. He was once again mesmerized by the likeness between her and his late wife.

She was beautiful in a vulnerable way. She stared back at him with wide eyes and clenched at the sheets of the bed nervously.

_She looked like Anne, so much like her._

"I'm sorry Ella," he murmured when he could finally muster the words. "Your husband didn't make it."

Ella's face immediately went slack. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What? I don't understand," she whimpered. "How did you find me? How do you know my name?"

"Don't stress yourself out," he said softly. "Just relax. You're safe here."

Phillip found satisfaction in how smoothly and convincing his voice sounded.

"Are you a doctor?" she demanded frantically.

"I'm afraid not," he said with a smile. "Dr. Lila was the one who fixed you up."

"Where is he?" she demanded again. "He can't be-"

"Ella," Phillip said. "He didn't make it."

"Paul?" she half whispered, half whimpered the name as she looked down at her lap.

Phillip chewed at his bottom lip. Ella's face was so sad. He watched her wrap her arms around herself, completely overcome with her own grief. He rubbed at his slightly prickly beard as he held back, making himself stay quiet and not approach her.

A little cry escaped her lips and she looked back up at him. "Who was it? Who attacked him? Why didn't they kill me too?"

Phillip squinted back at her as he tried to think of something quick yet believable to say. She must've seen something. He'd hoped that she thought maybe walkers had taken out her husband, but obviously she knew that it had been men.

"You need to rest, Ella," he finally murmured. "I'll check back in on you first thing in the morning."

Her sad, brown eyes met his. A tear slipped down her cheek and she reached up to wipe it away.

Phillip made himself turn away from her. He'd have plenty of time for everything later. She was clearly going to grieve. She'd be unsure and untrusting for a while. He clenched his teeth. It was an odd attachment he found himself fighting already.

He allowed himself to take one last glance at her. She was looking back at him. The look of sadness and confusion still had her face contorted into a heartbreaking expression.

Phillip bit down on the inside of his cheek until the metallic flavor of blood filled his mouth. He forced his feet to carry himself back out of the doorway and into the hall.

_Pretty please review! Not entirely sure about this yet._


	2. Drug like Whiskey

Leyshla Gisel- Thanks for reviewing!

Ghost- Thank you for reviewing also! I took your advice and threw out the lyrics.

Pretty please review guys! Sorry if it seems to be moving slow. I want to introduce a little bit of conflict at at time and really get to know the characters.

_The familiar mind altering adrenaline pulsed through Phillip's veins. Merle, Crowley, Tim, and the others had gone ahead of him after seeing a man carrying large amounts of supplies from one of their newfound supply filled towns. Phillip arrived later, deciding at the last minute that he wanted to be included in the attack of the survivors or their addition to Woodbury._

_It was an adrenaline rush when threats were taken out. The need for control seemed to do that to him. It had been a while since they'd taken in any other survivors though. Although Phillip didn't think the residents of Woodbury were suspicious, he felt that it would soon be time to at least bring in another person. When Merle and the men went out, they never brought back survivors. That was one of the main reasons that Phillip decided to tag along._

_He kept his pistol up and out as he treaded through the thick underbrush of the woods. Men's yells echoed around him, bringing the slight fear of biters, but mainly the anxious readiness to join in on the hunt that they seemed to be on. Merle and the other men had enough experience to know when people could be spared and taken in as survivors. As time drug on, they found fewer and fewer people, but it usually always ended the same way. Most men were thought of as threats. There were far more women in Woodbury than men. If just men were found, they were usually gotten rid of, but not always. It depended on the situation._

_The yells that Phillip heard echoing through the woods let him know that these people were not to be spared. They were to be eliminated and all supplies taken for the good of the town and the people._

"_Biters!" Phillip recognized Merle's voice. It wasn't far away, so he pushed on._

_Not a moment after Merle's warning, a feminine scream pierced the air._

'_How many people are in this group?' Phillip wondered. _

_He stepped over a fallen log. As he brought his eyes up, he noticed a flash of movement through the trees ahead of him. _

_No sooner had he started in that direction before a walker also appeared through the underbrush and trees. It was headed in the same direction._

_He cursed as the briars and brambles attacked and pulled at his shirt and pants, slowing him down._

"_What the hell? Who's that?" Tim's voice radiated from nearby._

_Phillip burst through the tree line and into a small, bush scattered, clearing._

_He surveyed the area quickly, noticing the body of a biter and two other normal looking bodies. His men stood, looking at the bodies and then him._

"_Only two people?" Phillip demanded breathlessly. "They were worth all that yelling and trouble?"_

_He took a quick glance at the body closest to him. The man had a darkening blood stain covering the front of his white t-shirt. _

"_Yeah. Well we're just after this guy. Didn't even know there was a girl out here until she almost got taken out by that walker. We knocked her out," Crowley explained. "Her son of a bitch man there cut me," He revealed the gash on his uncovered arm just below his elbow. "He got what was comin to him though."_

"_Son of a bitch was more trouble than a whole group," Merle muttered._

"_Where were they staying?" Phillip asked. He watched as Tim took his knife and stabbed it first into the head of the man and then of the walker laying not far away._

"_Cabin in the woods not far from here," Merle said. "They had a few supplies there. We're gonna go get em."_

"_Sure that it was just the two of them?" Phillip asked. _

_Tim pulled his knife from the walkers head and then took a few more steps over to the body of the woman._

"_Yeah," Crowley said._

"_Didn't think that two people could be spared?" Phillip asked. He studied the way that Tim stared down at the woman. He put his knife back in his sheath at his waist instead of putting the knife through her head too._

"_Like I said," Merle began. "I didn't even know there was a girl. This man came out fightin like a damn army. Had to get rid of him."_

"_Watch out Gov!" _

_Phillip whirled around. He took a few, stumbling steps backwards away from the walker that had barreled out of the woods. The walker wore a tattered flowered dress. It's skin was dried and clung tightly to it's bones and it had stringy lifeless hair._

_Phillip whipped his knife out of it's sheath and buried it deep into the walker's head. It froze. For a moment, he stayed still and so did it. It's dull eyes rolled back and it's mouth froze with its teeth still bared._

"_Another one," Merle called out._

_Phillip yanked the knife back from the walker's head and let it drop in front of him. The other walker had stepped out of the woods, close to Tim and the woman's body._

"_Hey she ain't bit yet. Get it before it bites her," Merle raised his voice._

"_You didn't kill her?" Phillip asked._

_He crossed the space in between him and the body as Tim plunged his knife deep into the biter's head. It dropped, landing close to the blonde woman's limp body._

"_Gov!" _

_Phillip saw the flash of movement leap from the woods before he heard the awful, familiar moans of the biter._

Phillip forced his eyes open and sat up quickly. He stared into the darkness of his room as he listened to the sound of his heavy breathing. His heart hammered in his chest and he tried to recollect the adrenaline filled dream. It was barely a dream, more like he was just remembering the clash in the woods with Ella and her stupid husband. Part of him was glad that it was dreams of her that were infiltrating his dreams and not more of Anne. Dreaming of biters was normal now. They filled every one of his dreams, probably because they were always a threat.

His body was drenched with sweat and the sheets clung to his slick bare back and legs. Phillip let his hand slip to the other side of the bed, forgetting for a moment that Jade wasn't there. He quickly remembered how he'd sent her away and a strange but familiar loneliness crept in.

Phillip threw his legs over the edge of the bed and rested his face in his hands. A whole night's sleep was almost impossible for him and had been for a long time now.

Jade didn't usually stay long anyway. If he would have allowed her to stay, she would have been gone by now, leaving him alone. He reached over and clicked on the lamp beside his bed. As he rubbed his eyes, he went over the dream in his mind. He rarely ever dreamed realistically, but that was exactly how he had found Ella, minus the over abundance of biters he'd almost been attacked by. His pulse still raced from the dreamed close encounters, but he was thinking about Ella. He'd left her crying and dealing with the aftermath of her husband's death. Imagining Ella still crying into her pillow or suffering from the head wound administered by Merle finally made him rise. He slipped on the robe tossed on the floor and started out of the bedroom in search of his own self prescribed medicine. Drinking had become a close friend of his in a short time.

Phillip stopped in front of the closed and locked doorway. He stared at it, like he always did when he passed it. A part of him wanted to go in, but another part of him didn't. A half-filled glass of whiskey sat on the table beside the door where he'd left it. He reached out and scooped it up, bringing it to his lips and taking a quick swig to bring his attention away from the door that held Penny.

He sighed aloud as he clunked the empty glass back down and turned away from the door.

He forced himself into the dark kitchen and turned on another lamp to illuminate it.

His eyes flitted around the room, finally stopping on the items he'd left on the kitchen table.

Phillip sat down where Ella's things were still spread out. The photo album was still there, minus one photo. It was hidden away in his desk drawer now. His first intentions had been to return the album to her, using it to strike up a conversation, but now that he'd stolen a photo, he'd decided against doing so.

He leaned back in the wooden chair lazily and flipped to the page he'd stopped on.

Phillip tilted his head as he studied the next photo. His mouth fell open slightly.

"She has a child?" He spoke the words out loud. They echoed through his empty apartment, bouncing off of his bare walls and hanging in the air for a short while.

The woman in the photo was Ella. It had to be. Her hair was messier and she looked more tired, but she sat in a hospital bed. A pink bundle was wrapped in her arms. The photo underneath that one was just a picture of the baby. A pink hat covered its head.

Phillip flipped through the photos quicker. His attention was captured instantly by the interactions of the young woman and child.

"She has a daughter," he murmured.

He ran a finger over his bottom lip as he studied the pictures. The next few pages of the album were full of baby pictures and then more as the child grew older. The pink colored chubby baby from the first pictures soon turned into a blonde toddler that held a great resemblance to her mother. She wore a smile in nearly every picture.

He flipped through the album until the pictures ran out. The last photo was one of the little girl, sitting behind a big, pink birthday cake.

'Where is she?'

As soon as the thought hit him, Phillip flipped back to the first picture of the baby and pulled it out of its plastic protector. There was a name on the back, like he assumed it would be. Ella seemed to label all if not most of the pictures.

_Cassie_

"Where's Cassie?" Phillip murmured.

There was no child in the woods. If they'd missed one, then Ella would have surely mentioned it. She'd asked for her husband after all.

Phillip sank back in his chair. Maybe Ella had lost Cassie in this. There weren't that many children in Woodbury for that very reason.

* * *

Ella woke up with a heartwrenching jolt. Her pillow was soaked from her tears, reminding her that it all hadn't just been a bad dream like she'd hoped. No, she was still in the strange room, and her head still throbbed slightly. The room was almost dark. A few little nightlights kept the dark corners illuminated just enough to make out shapes in the room.

"Where am I?" Ella thought out loud frantically. The man that they called the Governor told her nothing about her whereabouts. He'd only told her about Paul. Her intense pain had kept her from asking anything else. After hearing about Paul she'd practically passed out from shock and exhaustion.

"Oh God, Paul," Ella choked out.

First she'd lost Cassie. Now she'd lost Paul too.

'I need to leave,' Ella thought frantically.

She slid off of the bed and straightened her still dirty clothes.

'Where am I going?' She paused slightly, regaining her balance and trying her best to alleviate the dull pain in her head. She had nothing to go to. No one was left for her now.

Ella stumbled toward the doorway. She reached up and unwrapped the gauze bandage from her sore head. The pain spread through her head like wildfire, making her cringe as she tossed the stained gauze into a garbage can by the door.

She took an uneasy breath and peeked through the curtain covered window on the door. Fires were lit all along the empty street. Ella's hand grasped the doorknob, turning it quickly as she prayed that it wouldn't be locked.

The door opened and she threw herself out into the street.

'Oh God what about walkers?' Ella froze as the thought crossed her mind. Her heart did a quick summersault in her chest, but she gently closed the door behind her.

'Where were they? Where were the people that she'd seen earlier? The man who'd supposedly found her out in the woods, was he still around?'

Ella shivered a little, despite the warmth of the night and wrapped her arms around herself.

* * *

Phillip finally pulled himself up from the kitchen chair. His imagination flourished with thoughts about Ella and her now lost family. He opened her shoulder bag and began putting everything back inside. None of it seemed to be anything that she couldn't live without or replace here in Woodbury. Phillip knew that if he gave her the bag back she would assume or realize that he'd been in it. Ella wasn't trusting yet. After all she'd been through, he assumed it might take a while. He knew that he didn't need any reason for her to be suspicious of him.

Phillip placed the bag in the bottom drawer of his desk and tossed her photo album into his top drawer where he'd hidden her picture. He then headed back into the kitchen for another glass of whiskey.

Phillip stared out the kitchen window as he took another long sip. Even the whiskey couldn't dull the pain, but he drank it anyway, hoping that it would help. It gave him something to do other than sit and think about Anne or Penny.

"What the hell?" He slowly lowered the glass as he focused his eyes on the slight movement he was sure he'd seen.

After clunking the glass back on the counter, he grabbed the blinds and quickly pulled them out of his line of vision.

From his apartment window, the medical building was in plain sight. He stared hard at the shadows beside it. There it was again. The slightest movement in the light from the flickering of the firelight torches.

Phillip turned in an instant and headed back in his bedroom. He yanked a pair of pants and a shirt off of his dresser and threw them on in a hurry.

He darted out of his apartment and out of the building. It was late, but he wasn't sure how late into the night it was. The streets were empty as they should have been. The guards were the only ones out at this time. They walked along the walls. Phillip was positive that what he'd seen wasn't a guard.

"Ella!" Phillip called. He jogged toward the alleyway between the medical building and another brick structure.

He entered it and stopped immediately, automatically meeting the frightened blonde woman face to face.

"What do you want?" Ella squeaked nervously "Please just let me go."

She backed up to the brick wall as if she was completely giving herself up.

"It's okay," Phillip murmured. He lowered his voice and he held his hands up innocently, taken back by her sheer vulnerability.

"What are you doin out here? You're supposed to be restin. You're in no shape to run about the streets. Especially after curfew," he strained his eyes, trying his best to see her facial features in the almost total darkness.

Ella's chest rose and fell with each uneasy breath she took. The white gauze bandage was gone from her slightly messy hair.

She fidgeted with her hands as she started to speak.

"What's going on here? What is this place? You didn't tell me anything. What happened to my husband? Who hurt him?" Ella's questions were hurtled at him in complete desperation.

Phillip stared back at her. She still looked so vulnerable. He was once again drawn to her instantly. Instead of thinking of ways to answer her questions, he lost himself in his own thoughts. He was usually an expert at believably lying and comforting, but now, he couldn't summon a single statement. It was as if he was seeing Anne standing before him, even more now that Ella wasn't laying in the bed asleep or unconscious. What was it about her that made him feel this way? He longed for her to step a little more out of the shadows so that her face would be more illuminated by the torchlight.

It wasn't until she took a few nervous steps away that Phillip was brought back to reality. He tore his eyes away from her. She sank deeper in the shadows as she nervously awaited his answers.

"I'll tell ya what. I'll talk to you in the morning. I think you need rest now," Phillip said softly. He waited anxiously for her to respond, unsure of what she'd even really asked him to begin with.

"No," Ella said quickly. "I'm not staying here."

Phillip cleared his throat and nodded as his mind frantically worked up a plan.

"I'll go get Dr. Lila and she'll get you settled back in," he tried once again. He didn't expect for it to work, but he wasn't sure what to say to the nervous, untrusting woman.

Ella shook her head.

"Well I'll walk you back," he suggested quickly. He watched her eyes drop back down to the ground.

"It's okay. You're safe here," Phillip added softly. "This is a town, completely safe from the horrors outside of our walls."

Ella looked out toward the walls where many of the guards were now looking in their direction.

"Guards?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. I'm afraid it's not safe to go out, especially not at night. I'm afraid those men wouldn't let you out in your condition."

Ella stepped away from the shadows as she looked around him. He studied her face as she studied the walls and guards, obviously really noticing and understanding them for the first time.

"Ah she lives," a voice rasped. "Got a nasty bump there girl."

Phillip turned his head slightly, although he already knew who had walked up behind him.

He sent Merle a harsh glance and held his breath as Ella looked at Merle. Merle had said he that was the one who had knocked her out. Now was the time to see if she recognized him or saw anything that had happened to her husband.

Ella's eyes dropped down to Merle's bayonet and blade before meeting his eyes once again.

"What are ya doin out so late?" Merle asked.

"I got this under control, Merle," Phillip said coldly. "You can get back to the wall."

"Alright Gov," Merle said. His tone was one of slight aggravation, but he obeyed.

Phillip released the tension in his shoulders. Merle was loyal. He always obeyed, but it was a struggle for him. Merle had a independence about him. Sometimes, Phillip wondered how Merle settled here into Woodbury as his right hand man so easily.

* * *

Ella finally surrendered to the man's pleas. She allowed the Governor to prance her straight back to the building she'd escaped from. What choice did she really have? Guards were all around and her dizzying head injury made it almost impossible to keep her balance while walking. Running was completely out of the question.

The Governor opened the door in front of her and motioned for her to go first. She took an uneasy breath and stepped back in. The smell of medicine and cleaning supplies infiltrated her nose.

The man had done nothing to intimidate her or even act rude at all, but she was still on edge. Ella watched him out of the corner of her eye.

She couldn't help the slight trembles of fear that tingled down her spine. She didn't know any of these people. Trusting people hadn't been a problem of hers until a few years ago. Ella however, had learned quickly that you could barely trust anyone. People were dangerous. If they weren't, then she would still have Cassie.

Ella stopped by the bed and nervously turned back to look at him. The man shut the door back behind him, but stayed where he was.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. He propped his hands on his belt as he awaited her answer.

Ella shrugged slightly. She still felt as if she was stuck in a nightmare. Every time she tried to survey her situation, she remembered that Paul was really gone, and the familiar lump grew in her throat.

"I'm sorry about your husband."

Ella brought her eyes back up to meet his. The Governor was staring at her intently, waiting for her to respond. There was something about his gaze that caught her attention. His eyes seemed to sparkle with harmless, but devout interest when he looked at her.

"What happened to him? Who was it? Was it one of those things?" She asked the questions not even sure if she was emotionally ready for the answers.

The Governor stared at her for a moment. He finally reached for a chair pushed into the corner of the room and pulled it a little closer to the middle of the room.

"I was hoping you could tell us what happened," The man murmured as he sat down.

Ella plopped down on the edge of her bed. Her shoulders sagged. Disappointment at her lack of knowledge overcame her.

"When we got there, we scared off some men. Bandits maybe. Me and my men got there in time to save you. It was too late for your husband," The Governor said.

Ella rubbed her eyes tiredly as she tried to recollect her memories.

"We hadn't run into anybody before," Ella murmured. She remembered spending the day with Paul. They'd just found a town not far away from the cabin they were staying in that had an abundance of supplies. Paul had been making trips there, bringing back a few useful supplies at a time.

"Was it just you and your husband?"

Ella nodded. The thought of him made tears threaten her eyes again.

"You weren't with him at the time? You both got split up or something?" The Governor asked carefully.

Ella swallowed hard.

"He'd just got back from getting supplies. He thought he heard something in the woods and he went to check it out."

"It's dangerous out there, Ella," The Governor said softly.

Ella raised her eyes to meet his. 'Of course it is,' her mind screamed at her. 'I should know most of all.'

A small flash of anger coursed through her. 'He has no idea,' she thought angrily. She wanted to ask him if he'd ever lost a spouse or a child, but decided against it. Of course he probably hadn't. Here he was living in a protected town, completely fenced off from the outside horrors as he'd said.

* * *

Phillip watched Ella. She wrapped her arms around herself. Her pretty face was tilted to the floor where her sad, brown eyes were focused.

He bit his tongue. As badly as he wanted to ask about her daughter, he didn't. Penny flashed through his mind, and he wondered if maybe Cassie had been bitten.

Ella raised a hand to her head. She winced and brought her fingers down to examine them.

Her head was bleeding once again from the wound that Merle had caused.

Phillip felt a dull ache as he saw Ella's wince of pain and the smudge of blood that stained her pale, slender fingers.

"You took off your bandage," he murmured.

Ella's eyes rose to meet his.

"You shouldn't have," he added. He studied her saddened and pained expression.

He jumped up from his chair and walked to a desk across the room. Phillip could practically feel her eyes as they bore into his back. He'd seen the doctor pull supplies from the desk when treating her earlier, so he tried to focus on finding them.

The drawers were full of all of the random but needed medical supplies that they'd gathered. Phillip shoveled through them until he pulled out a roll of gauze.

He turned with it in his hands.

"I don't know much about dressing wounds," he said, hoping that the lightness in his voice would ease her. "But I think we should get that wrapped back up until morning. Dr. Lila will have you fixed up once and for all by then,"

Ella stared back at him. She didn't move and she didn't speak.

Phillip took a few steps closer.

"Can I?' he asked.

Ella finally nodded softly. She pulled her blonde hair over her other shoulder and out of the way.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he moved closer.

Phillip unrolled a short length of gauze and slowly brought it to her head. He gently touched a strand of her blonde hair and brushed it behind her ear.

A horde of memories came rushing back to him at once. Touching her made him shudder slightly.

For a moment, he stopped. Memories flooded through his mind like movie clips. He saw Anne standing in front of their bathroom mirror, brushing her own blonde hair. Her reflection smiled at him. He remembered touching her soft hair and her soft skin.

Phillip's eyes drifted through Ella's hair and down to the soft pale skin of her neck.

"Is it that bad?" Ella asked nervously.

At the sound of her voice, Phillip snapped out of the slight daze.

"It's not as bad as it was," he said huskily.

He worked quickly to rewrap her wound, making sure that he didn't get lost in his thoughts again. The deafening silence around them worked against him, making it even harder to focus on the simple task while standing so close to her.

When he finished, he stepped away from her and placed the supplies back in the desk. He examined her as he turned back to face her. The work was not near as neat as the doctor would have done, but it would have to do.

Ella looked up at him and dropped her eyes back to the floor. Phillip could sense the uncomfortable tension vibrating from her and knew that he shouldn't extend his welcome. Upsetting her was the last thing that he wanted to do. He needed to keep seeing her. She needed to trust him.

"I'll check on you tomorrow okay?" he asked. "Try and rest."

Ella nodded slowly, but didn't look up at him.

"I've lost people too," Phillip added softly. "Be thankful that you're alive."

He once again forced himself toward the door. Talking with Ella made him hungrier for her attention, and left him only partially satisfied. She made him think of Anne, but not in a sad and frustrated way. It was different, almost welcoming.

Phillip shut the door back behind him and looked out into the empty streets.

It was late but he knew that sleep wouldn't come to him anymore tonight.

'I need to see Penny,' he thought to himself.

Guilt hit him hard. He'd much rather talk with Ella than face his daughter again. He'd failed her. Poor Penny was now relying on him completely, locked away and waiting for her food and his attention. It was getting harder and harder to look at her. Phillip felt like he had turned whenever his daughter did. Something had changed inside of him, much like it had when Anne had been taken from him in the car crash.

Ella brought a new emotion into the mix. It wasn't sadness, pain, or anger. It was different. He felt alive. She was a medicine far better than his self prescribed whiskey.

_Please Review!_


	3. Desperate thoughts and desperate needs

_Leyshla Gisel- I promise that you'll find out what happened to Cassie. Thanks for reviewing. At least I know I have one reader Lol._

_Pretty Please review guys!_

When morning finally came, Philip was up to see the morning light filter through his apartment windows. He was tired. His eyes felt heavy, and he could smell the whiskey on his breath as he yawned.

He wasn't surprised that Ella had kept his mind busy throughout the remainder of the lonely night. After taking her back to the medical building and changing her bandage, he couldn't stop thinking about her. Her photo album was once again out of his drawer and laying on his desk.

He'd been through it a few more times, studying her photos and noticing every possible detail there was to notice.

Phillip knew that it was stupid and pathetic, but he felt a strange connection with the vulnerable, wounded woman who favored Anne. It was almost more than a connection. It was if he was a moth and she was the flame, pulling him in and innocently mesmerizing him.

None of the other survivors ever caught his interest. He pretended to care about them, and he did to an extent. Phillip was proud of his role as Governor. He knew that he wouldn't be there without the lower people, and he took care of them.

Phillip watched as the people outside begin to move about.

"Duty calls," he murmured aloud.

Some mornings he had a hard time pulling himself away from his lonely apartment, especially days that he thought about Anne and Penny.

This particular morning, he was ready to leave the loneliness of his apartment. Phillip knew that matters around the town had to be taken care of, and he was more than anxious to find an excuse to check in on Ella again.

He finally tucked all of Ella's things back into his desk drawer and made himself look presentable. As he studied his reflection in the mirror and combed his hair to the side, he thought of Ella.

"I'll go see her as soon as I talk to Milton," he said aloud.

Milton was in the middle of an experiment that he felt would help them understand the state that the biters were in. Phillip always waited anxiously for any news that Milton could come up with.

Phillip took a deep breath and left the building. As he strolled down the small, bush surrounded path into the street, he nodded at the people he passed.

"Hi Governor," a woman smiled as she looked up from a flower bed she was pruning. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she reached up to moved the straggling strands from her face with her wrists.

"Good morning," he said casually. He gave her a slight smile before he continued toward Milton's little lab.

Phillip quickened his pace as he approached the alleyway that led into Milton's secluded room.

He didn't knock. He opened the door and stepped inside quickly before anyone noticed.

"Good morning Sir," Milton said quickly.

Phillip turned from the door, taking a quick sweep over Milton's standing experiments.

"Been doing your homework?" Phillip asked casually as he walked closer to the desk Milton had jumped up from.

Milton held the clipboard out to him immediately.

Phillip took it from him and eyed the notes that the man had scribbled. He scanned them, the words barely even registering in his mind. Usually, he would be ecstatic and ready to hear about Milton's progress, but his mind was hung on Ella.

"I heard that we have a new member of Woodbury." Milton took a quick sip of his tea.

"And who told ya that?" Phillip asked. He laid the clipboard that Milton had handed him back on the desk.

"Merle stopped by earlier. He told me about yesterday."

"Of course. I assume that he didn't approve of me bringing her in did he?" Phillip asked. He studied Milton. Milton wasn't a liar. The truth always left Milton's mouth whether it was an accident or not.

"Oh...well…I don't know sir. I don't think that he…I mean I don't think that he meant it like-"

"Milton," Phillip interrupted him. He stared back at the nervous man.

"You know how Merle is," Milton responded quickly. "I believe that he was just surprised, I mean that's the first survivor that you've taken in in quite a while."

Phillip took a few slow steps away from Milton's desk. He paused at the table that held a miniature town. His fingers trailed down one of the streets.

"She wasn't a threat," he murmured as he stooped down.

"Of course she wasn't," Milton said quickly. "I think it was wise that you were out there. I don't think that the other men would have brought her in."

"Why?" Phillip climbed to his feet.

"You just give them a lot of freedom while they're out sir," Milton said nervously. "That's all."

* * *

Ella laid awake for most of the night. The pain in her head slowly faded away but the pain in her heart didn't. She felt confused and alone. It felt unreal that Paul, the man she'd been through so much with, was now gone.

Part of her wanted to call the Governor a liar for telling her that he'd died, but his demeanor calmed her a little.

The man seemed so calm and collected. He didn't seem like a liar. He'd been gentle with her, changing her bandage and talking softly.

Ella rolled onto her other side, facing the wall beside her. The sunlight now pouring in the room only made her angrier.

She was angry at herself for surviving when Cassie and Paul hadn't.

'If he wouldn't have intervened I'd be with them,' she thought angrily.

Part of her wished that the hit she'd taken would have been enough to kill her.

Ella's thoughts froze in her mind as the sound of the door opening demanded her attention.

"How are you feeling hun?" Ella rolled back over at the voice of the doctor.

She held a pile of clothes in her hands and a concerned look on her face.

Ella sank back into the mattress.

"I'll show you where a shower is. I'm sure that you would love to get cleaned up am I right?" the woman laid the clothes down on one of the nearby tables.

Ella didn't respond. She kept still, unable to conjure enough willpower to get up from the bed.

Dr. Lila approached the bed.

"Do you still have a headache?" the woman asked.

Ella nodded slightly. Her head did hurt, but it wasn't the reason that she hadn't bothered to get up. She was tired and sick. She was ready to give up. Her mind had practically shut down, rendering her incapable of thinking of anything other than Cassie and Paul.

Dr. Lila gingerly reached over and peeked underneath the gauze bandage that the Governor had redone for her.

"Did you redo this?" the woman asked.

"The Governor did last night. He stopped by," Ella murmured tiredly.

"Ah. That was nice of him. He's a good man."

Ella closed her eyes as the woman slowly removed the bandage.

"You're head looks so much better. You're lucky," she said softly.

"I don't think so," Ella murmured.

"What's wrong hun? If you get up you'll feel better," the woman turned from her and tossed the used gauze into the nearby waste basket.

"There's nothing to live for," Ella murmured softly.

The doctor didn't turn, and for a moment Ella thought that maybe the woman hadn't heard her.

After a few minutes, Dr. Lila turned slowly though.

"There's plenty to live for here," she said softly.

Ella gave her a doubtful look.

* * *

"How's our patient?" Phillip asked casually. He tried not to sound too interested, and watched the older woman for any interest in his question.

"Not well," Dr. Lila shut the door back behind her.

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"I thought her injury wasn't bad," Phillip blurted out quickly.

"She's fine physically," Dr. Lila said. "But…She hasn't moved all morning though. She won't get up. She's depressed, says she just wants to give up."

Phillip licked his bottom lip nervously. "Give up?" he questioned.

"Are you ready?" the doctor diverted her attention Phillip to address Milton.

Milton nodded and grabbed his clipboard from his desktop.

"Merle was passing by when I was going out. I asked him to watch her for a moment. I was kind of afraid to leave her alone for long. There's quite a bit of medicine and medical tools in there," Dr. Lila said quickly.

"Merle?" Phillip repeated.

"Yeah. Hope that's okay Governor. I only be gone for a minute." She paused, waiting for his response.

"You don't think that she'd do anything that drastic do you?" Phillip asked nervously.

"I don't know sir. I don't know here and I'd rather be safe than sorry. I've gotta go check on Mr. Coleman. See how much worse his condition is getting."

* * *

"Just gonna lay there all day?"

Ella flicked her eyes to the corner of the room where the one handed man stood. She'd been trying her best to ignore him, but he kept talking.

"Ya can't just lay there forever." His cold, raspy voice made her frown.

"I ain't watchin ya all day. I ain't a damn babysitter. That old doc's got another thing comin if she things I have time to do this charity work," he continued.

"Well leave," Ella snapped. "I don't want you here."

"Oh ya do speak," he said quickly. "I was beginning to think that blow to the head had screwed ya up big time."

Ella diverted her gaze from his. He was nothing like the Governor. For a moment, she allowed herself to ponder over the other members of the town. Were there more as cold and rude as the man that the doctor had asked to watch her?

"Were you there?" Ella finally asked softly.

"Where?" he rasped.

"When that man that calls himself the Governor found me. Were you there? Did you see what happened to Paul, my husband." Ella raised her head slightly and looked to the man hopefully.

The man rubbed his mouth for a few seconds. His eyes were squinted on her.

"I was there," he said simply.

Ella sat up slowly.

"Well what happened?" she quizzed.

The man opened his mouth, but the door opened, making him stop.

"Merle. Oh there you are. I believe the guys are ready to go on that supply run. Ya know to that town that we found yesterday?" The Governor said. His eyes met hers briefly before fixating back on the one handed man.

Ella sank back into the pillows as the man stepped away from the wall he was leaning against.

"Alright good. It's better than sittin in here on bitch duty."

* * *

Phillip clenched his teeth tightly at Merle's words, but he didn't say anything. He stayed quiet until Merle stepped passed him and exited the building. Phillip shut the door behind Merle carefully.

He took a deep breath as he stared at Ella. She was laid back against the pillows. Her brown eyes were focused on the ceiling.

"If you're feelin better I can show you where a shower is. You can get changed and get something to eat," Phillip suggested carefully. He took a few slow steps closer to her, waiting for her to respond.

"Then what?" Ella asked softly.

"Well," Phillip gave her a slight smile. "I could show you around the town. Show you to a permanent. room."

Ella sighed. She turned her head slightly to look at him.

"Did Merle say something to you? He can be rude sometimes," Phillip said. He kept his eyes trained on her, remembering what the doctor had said about her.

"No he didn't," she murmured.

He stayed silent for a few minutes as he stared at her pretty but tired face. She was distant and probably depressed like the doctor had said she was. Phillip wracked his brain, trying to quickly come up with a way to keep her talking. Whenever she did speak, he felt himself hanging on to her every word. Her voice was delicate, like her form underneath the sheets.

"I know it's hard," he finally said softly, pulling his eyes away from the shape of her body.

Her eyes met his immediately.

"But we're survivors. We've made it this far for a reason. Your husband gave his life for you," he continued.

Ella sat up slightly. "What?" she asked.

"That's how you got away from the bandits isn't it?" Phillip tried to fix his slight mess up.

"I don't know," Ella murmured. "I can barely remember now. I was just running through the woods trying to find him. I just remember hearing him yell and then…I woke up here. I didn't see anybody except a few of those things. The dead people."

"The biters?" Phillip asked. He released the tension in his body as he realized that Ella hadn't noticed anything strange about his earlier question.

"That's what you call them?" she asked weakly.

Phillip nodded.

"Was it them that got him?"

"No Ella. It wasn't," He said. "He was attacked by the living. We looked for them…the bandits. I brought you back here and my men looked for them. They were nowhere to be found."

"How do you know my name?" Ella asked suddenly.

Phillip paused. Her question caught him completely off guard.

"You don't remember?" he furrowed his eyebrows at her.

Ella stared back at him. A confused look enveloped her face.

"When I carried you back here you were in and out. You told me that your name was Ella when I asked," he lied.

Ella tilted her chin to the floor. Embarrassment flushed her cheeks.

"I don't remember," she said softly.

"It's okay," he said automatically.

"Do you need this bed or something?" Ella asked. "Is that why everyone wants me to get up?"

Phillip stared back at her. She pulled herself up into a sitting position and locked her eyes on his.

"I mean I can leave," she added unsurely.

"Oh no..no. You don't have to leave. I can show you a more comfortable room though. We have plenty. It's not as cold and lonely as this medical building," he said quickly.

Ella frowned slightly at his suggestion.

"Where would you go if you didn't stay here?" Phillip asked.

He felt that he already knew that answer. She was alone. She had nowhere to go.

"I don't know," Ella murmured slowly. Her eyes drifted from his and back to the floor beside her bed.

* * *

Ella undressed slowly, gently pulling the shirt up to make sure that she didn't bump the sore spot on her head. Her body ached slightly. She was emotionally drained, feeling as if she could faint at any moment.

The room that the Governor had led her to was no less cold and depressing as the medical building. The walls were brown and there was furniture, clean clothes, a small tub with shower, and a plate of food waiting for her there, but it did nothing to lift her mood.

She stepped into the small shower and into the stream of warm water. She tossed her blond hair over the front of her right shoulder and allowed the water to pound her sore back.

As if a switch was flipped, her tears began to fall from her eyes. She turned to face the water and her tears mixed with the warm water, falling to the bottom of the tub.

Ella hadn't cried this much since she'd lost Cassie. Her mind went back to that day. The police sirens and the static of the police radio still echoed in her mind.

Ella blindly reached for the shampoo and soap to try and keep herself and her mind busy. Her tears blurred her vision, making the simple task of washing much harder than it needed to be.

Ella's soapy hands caressed her achy body. In the shower, she had nothing else to focus on other than the mess she was in. She was all alone in a town that she didn't even know existed. Sure she was safe from the biters, but she was all alone. Paul was gone.

She finally stepped out of the small tub, shivering slightly at the slight chill on her skin. The room was actually warm, but chill bumps formed on her damp skin as emotion trembled through her tired body.

To her, the atmosphere in the room felt as cold and lonely as that very day she kept trying to push from her mind.

"_Look at me, Ella!" Paul ordered. His voice cracked slightly. Ella pulled her eyes away from the wreckage in front of her as his strong grasp turned her from it. Tears were falling freely from her eyes, warming her wind chapped cheeks. Paul's grip on her shoulders tightened to keep her attention. Ella watched Paul's pained eyes drift from hers and back to the scene behind her. _

"_Paul," she sniffled desperately. She tried to pull from his grasp. Every ounce of her being told her that she needed to go back._

"_No Ella!" he ordered. "They said she's gone."_

_Paul struggled to keep it together. He clenched his jaws tightly, unable to keep his own eyes from watching the small body being loaded into the body bag._

_Ella watched the snowflakes falling around them. A few flecks landed in Paul's hair. She tried to focus on them, knowing that Paul wasn't going to let her witness the painful task going on behind her._

_Jacob Rawls, one of Paul's fellow police officers stopped not far from where they were standing. His hand covered his mouth. Ella tore her gaze from his when their eyes met. Jacob had been the one to pull her away from the scene only seconds before. He'd passed her on to Paul. Jacob's face was contorted in a look of pain, much like everyone else's._

_Ella stared at the snow flakes numbly. The cold only added to the violent tremors and sobs racking her body because of the chaos that had unfolded minutes before._

"_You need to get her out of here man there's nothing you can do," Jacob said to Paul. He moved closer to them. His eyes were slightly rimmed red and his jaws were clenched tightly._

"_Take her. I'm not leaving yet," Paul said immediately._

"_No!" Ella erupted. "I'm not going anywhere!"_

"_Paul there's nothing you can do," Jacob said quickly._

_Ella leaned into Paul and wrapped her arms around him, trying her best to prove that she wasn't leaving his side._

* * *

Phillip sat on the edge of his seat in his big leather chair. His elbows were propped on his knees and his chin sat in his hands. His eyes flitted from one tank to the other, watching the bubbles and the slow movements of the biters' heads. Every now and then an eye would blink or a mouth would open.

It was times like this that he felt disconnected from his body. Moments like this made him feel like an emotional mess.

The biter heads that had started off as Milton's science experiments now held a strange comfort, feeding the strange coldness that Phillip felt growing inside of him day by day.

A slight wheeze echoed through the small room. Phillip's eyes automatically went to the door to his right. A knot formed in the pit of his stomach. The awful, almost routine realization of being totally and absolutely incapable of helping his daughter hit him hard.

He forced his eyes back to the tanks in front of him. He clenched his jaws tightly, fighting back the anger.

Phillip tried to focus on something else. He took a quick swig of the glass of whiskey sitting on the table beside him.

Thinking of Ella had given him a strange sense of comfort before, but now thinking about her didn't help. It couldn't comfort him when she was in the condition she was in.

Ella couldn't give up. That was what she wanted to do. Phillip had watched her, finding a sense of familiarity in the sad way she looked. He'd felt that way before. He'd felt lost, lonely, helpless, and felt like giving up.

Ella couldn't do that though.

Losing her would be like losing Anne all over again. He wouldn't lose her again.

Another wheeze broke his concentration.

"As soon as Milton finds out the cure you'll be okay Penny," Phillip said aloud. "Daddy's gonna make sure that you get better baby."

At the sound of his voice, Penny's wheezes turned into desperate groans and snarls. He cringed slightly.

"Penny will need somebody who understands," he mumbled softly. "Ella seems to have lost a daughter before," he continued. "Ella would understand."

'Ella's all alone,' he thought suddenly. His thoughts quickly raced through is mind, forming an almost picture in his head.

"She needs us Penny," Phillip said aloud. "She needs us as much as we need her."


	4. She Won't be Lonely Long

_Hey guys. Reviews would be pretty awesome and I'd really really appreciate them._

Ella stared at the bright lines in the cracks of the blinds of her room. She was nestled into the sunken indention that claimed the middle of the mattress. It had been used heavily before it was given to her, but it was better than she'd had in a while. For the first morning since she'd lost Paul, her pillows weren't tearstained.

This was the third day that Ella had woken up in the room that the Governor had given to her. She'd been in it ever since, battling her inner demons. The privacy gave her a chance to reflect on everything, whether she wanted to or not.

At first, bouts after bouts of crying claimed her. Now, she felt almost numb to the pain, unable to picture herself going on anymore.

The Governor had stopped in every single day. He brought food and sometimes clothes, although Ella hadn't changed much. She couldn't bring herself to climb from bed to eat, especially not to take a shower or change. She nibbled a little on the food that he brought her. At first, she'd been so upset that she'd been unable to hold it down. Ella could feel her appetite slowly beginning to creep back though.

A part of her wanted to leave the dark and lonely room, but she felt as if her body was betraying her. She'd lost Paul. There was no way that she would just go on as if it hadn't happened. Her body was on the mend, but her mind wasn't. Ella felt weak from the lack of movement. She was beginning to get tired of being lost in her thoughts. Being alone in the room allowed her thoughts to manifest themselves. She couldn't push them away. They were persistent.

Ella thought a lot about the Governor and the town. He'd asked her every day if she was ready for her tour around the town. Each time, Ella declined. The Governor would stand for a minute, but would eventually leave. A part of her felt bad. This man had saved her. Ella knew that she was supposed to be thankful, but she wasn't.

A part of her was angry at him, wishing that he hadn't saved her or that he'd gotten there in time to save Paul and her both.

Ella rolled onto her back and stared up at the familiar ceiling. She pulled her blonde hair out from around her neck and tossed it over her pillow. A tired sigh left her lips as her eyes traced the lines and indentions of the sheetrock about her head.

* * *

"Penny!" Phillip raised his voice. He shook his daughter's shoulders, but her eyes still would not focus on his. They darted around the room as she snapped her teeth and slung her head around.

In a desperate frenzy, he threw the cloth bag back over her decaying head and shoved her back into her cell. He locked the door and angrily banged his hand on it.

A strangled sob left his throat, but he stopped it immediately and regained his composure. Penny wasn't cooperating and neither was Ella. Phillip gritted his teeth together as he thought about the woman. Ella was lying in her bed as if she was in a coma. He'd gone to her room every day to find her in the same, damn condition.

He felt like he was losing her already. He was already losing Penny. Everyday, Phillip felt that he was losing his daughter more and more. Everyday was an opportunity for her to change and lose more of what she used to be.

The thought sent a tinge of sadness through his tired body. His stomach knotted and he turned away from Penny's cage. It was all he could do to make his feet lead him passed his leather chair and out of his secret room. He locked it behind him and scanned the mess of his apartment. His bed sheets were tangled and hanging partly off of the bed, reminding him of the difficult and sleepless nights he'd been having. His clothes were also messily thrown on the floor and chair in the corner.

Phillip ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. He scratched his scalp slightly as he thought.

He couldn't have what he wanted. He'd never been able to get what he wanted.

Phillip bit down on his bottom lip. He knew that from the outside it looked like he had it all. Everyone in the town practically ate out of his hands. They looked to him for everything. He was completely in charge. On the inside, however, he was a mess. He was an emotional wreck, trying desperately to hold everything together for himself.

A few laughs from the streets radiated up to his half opened kitchen window, breaking his thoughts.

Phillip straightened his clothes and headed towards the door. He shut and locked it behind him, placing the key in his pocket as he exited the building. The bright sunshine met his eyes, making him squint.

Phillip wasn't necessarily sure of where he was going until he saw her. Jade was talking with another woman, a redhead that he had seen around but didn't necessarily know. She wasn't very pretty and he had never tried to initiate any type of conversation with her. Hell, he couldn't even remember when she'd been brought into Woodbury.

He slowed his pace as he watched the two of them converse. Jade was wearing a white tank top and a pair of jeans. It was her usual, simple, but flattering all the same attire.

Phillip clenched his hands into fists at his sides. He actually missed Jade's usual night visits. Even if they didn't always leave him completely satisfied, she gave him company for a little while.

The two women continued down the street until the redhead finally waved and changed her course.

Phillip took his chance. He jogged toward Jade who noticed him almost immediately.

"Jade," he said quickly.

The sound of her name from his mouth gave him a strange excitement.

"What is it Governor?" she asked coldly.

"I need to speak to you," He narrowed his eyes at her, finding her tone slightly irritating.

Jade flipped her black hair over her shoulder. She focused her dark eyes on his.

"You need to speak to me or…" she gave him a somewhat teasing smile.

"Now," he said sternly. He could still feel his emotions running high. His fingers itched to touch her soft hair or trail down her skin and he could feel himself growing harder inside his pants.

He took a quick glance up and down the nearly empty streets, making sure that he wasn't catching anyone's attention. The redhead she'd been talking with had already disappeared into one of the little shops that lined the street.

"You didn't want me the other night," Jade whispered. The smile faded from her face and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"That was the other night," Phillip muttered angrily.

"I thought you said that it was too risky during the day. You didn't want anybody to see us together," Jade continued. She bit down on her bottom lip.

"I changed my mind," Phillip snapped. "C'mon," he nodded his head back in the direction of his apartment.

Jade hesitated for a moment. She crossed her arms across her chest and frowned.

Phillip's patience was wearing thin. His mind frantically worked to conjure up a way to get her back to his apartment.

"Please," he choked out.

The word tasted and sounded unfamiliar coming from his mouth. Jade noticed his change in tone and her face softened.

Phillip led the way back to his apartment. Every now and then he turned back to look at Jade who was right on his heels. It took everything he had to remain calm. He didn't want to draw attention to them, but he needed a release. All of his emotions were on the verge of spilling out.

When they reached his door, he unlocked it and let them in. She stepped in and crossed her arms as she waited for him to lock it back behind them.

He met her eyes when he finally turned back to face her. A part of her still seemed unsure, but he quickly moved to her.

Phillip grabbed her forearms and shoved her to the wall. Her mouth opened immediately, ready to cry out from the shock, and he used the opportunity to force his tongue into her mouth.

"Hey!" She mumbled into his mouth.

Fumbling, frantic hands met his chest hard as she tried to push him away, trying her best to resist him.

A low growl escaped from his mouth as he slid his hands down her arms to her wrists. He wrenched her arms away from him and pinned her tiny wrists to the wall.

Phillip claimed her mouth, using his body to pin hers to the wall. He pressed his growing erection hard against her. Jade struggled, but it only excited him more. All of his pent up frustrations erupted from him in the form of aggression.

Jade mumbled against his mouth, still trying to pull away from him and maneuver her face away from his.

She groaned angrily and bit down hard on his bottom lip.

The pain and shock wrenched Phillip away from his thoughts immediately. He pulled away from her and pressed the back of his hand to his mouth. His other hand raised angrily and instinctively, but he stopped himself. He'd never hit her before, but now he found himself having to hold back.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jade stammered. Her voice shook a little.

Phillip lowered his hand from his mouth.

A tremor of rage overtook his body.

"Like I said before, you keep throwing and shoving me around then we're through. I don't care how stressed out you are. You aren't taking it out on me," Jade clenched his shirt tightly with her slender fingers as she locked her eyes on his.

"You keep coming back," he said huskily.

He licked his bottom lip, toying with the soreness as the iron like taste of blood filled his mouth.

"Well I'll quit. You said you were done with this shit-"

Phillip cut her off, quickly pressing his mouth to hers again. The force he used sent her head pressing back to the wall. Her hands struggled to push him away. With the fresh blood still flowing freely, he knew that she was tasting it too. She closed her lips tightly, refusing to allow his tongue back in.

An agitated groan left his mouth and he finally pulled away from her.

"Governor!" I told you!" she snapped.

"Why the hell do you keep coming back then?" he roared.

Jade sank away from him. She let her head rest back against the wall behind her as she breathed heavily.

"I…I like you, but not like this. I don't like when you act like this. Calm down," she said uneasily. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder.

Phillip felt his pulse flutter at her touch. Jade's demeanor changed. She was clearly taken back and flustered at his aggressive behavior. This was the first time that she had resisted him so strongly and he could feel himself growing even angrier.

His adrenaline course through his veins, and he could feel his erection pressing uncomfortably against his pants.

Jade's lips were swollen and her face was flushed. She looked tiny, leaned against the wall with him looming over her.

Phillip couldn't hold back anymore. He wanted her. This was a want that he felt he needed and could accomplish.

Phillip brought his hands back up and latched onto Jade's wrists. At first, he kept his grip light, studying her face and her reactions. She flinched and resisted him once again.

Phillip leaned in and kissed her softer than before. At first, she nearly pulled away, but finally gave in just a little. He pulled her away from the wall and guided her towards the bed with his body and the pull of her wrists.

Phillip imagined that he was kissing Ella. He released her wrists and ran his fingers through Jade's black hair, but with his eyes closed, he saw and felt Ella's blond waves.

Ella moaned and opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to enter. Phillip's hands trailed down the soft skin of Ella's neck and down her shoulders. He moved his body, pressing against her and caressing her at the same time. Feeling her body against his made him hungrier for more. Their tongues toyed playfully, causing Phillip to lose all control. Pure instinct took over as his mind left him. Images of Ella flashed through his mind.

A moan escaped his mouth and he moved his hand up to Ella's chin, guiding her to move with him.

She pulled away from him suddenly and one of her hands caressed his shoulder lightly. Phillip kept his eyes closed, enjoying the taste of her lips on his. He was breathing heavily, trying to hold back the aggravation that her interruption had caused.

"Gov," Jade whispered breathlessly.

Phillip's eyes opened angrily. Her voice interrupted the thoughts in his head and pulled him from his daydream.

"You have a condom right?"

He reached up and roughly snatched her hand from his shoulder. His grip tightened on her wrist, unable to hide the sudden frustration upon realizing he was kissing Jade and not Ella.

"You were supposed to bring some," he snapped. His voice once again sounded cold and demanding. "If you want a condom, bring one remember?"

Jade swallowed hard. She tried to pull her wrist from his grip, but when he tightened it, she gave up.

"I was going to. I mean I have some…but I didn't know that I was coming here," she murmured.

"We don't need one," he gritted through his teeth.

A sudden desperation took over him. He studied her face, desperately, waiting for what he knew was coming. If she wanted to bail on him earlier she sure as hell would now.

"Well I'm sorry but I'm not doing this right now," Jade said. She once again tried to pull her wrist from his grasp.

Phillip gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to let her leave now. He couldn't.

"I'll come back later," she said quickly, almost as if she was trying to talk him into releasing her.

Phillip shoved her hard toward the bed. She stumbled backwards, still trying to pull her wrist from his vice like grip.

"I'm serious. Let go!" She yelled.

In a tumble of fighting arms and kicking legs the two of them fell to the bed. Phillip regained the upper hand quickly, pinning her wrists to the bed on both sides of her head.

"What has gotten into you?" she asked desperately. Her voice sounded high pitched and nervous.

"I told you I'd come back later," Jade sputtered breathlessly.

Phillip stopped for a moment. He stared down at her. Their faces were only inches apart and his weight was bearing down on her stomach. His hard length pressed into her through the material of his pants and he rubbed himself against her slightly, enjoying the friction.

Jade shifted underneath him uncomfortably, making him shove absolutely all of his weight on top of her. His knees dug into the mattress on both sides of her small frame.

"Why are you doing this. I'll come back later," Jade tried again.

"I want you now," Phillip growled.

Jade tried to knee him. Philip could feel her moving and wiggling her body, trying to slide from beneath him.

He released one of her wrists and reached down to block her knees.

As he struggled to pin them back to the bed and reposition himself, one of her hands caught his face. The sound of her hand against his face sent an echo through the room. Phillip wasn't expecting it and he stopped for a second, but the shock of her slap didn't last long.

A guttural growl rumbled through him and his hand connected hard with the side of her face, re administering a slap back to her.

A gasp left her mouth and she half shrieked.

Before Phillip could stop himself, both of his hands latched onto the soft skin of Jade's neck.

She wiggled immediately and her now free hands struggled to loosen his grasp. She struggled to dig her fingers underneath his that were pressing into her soft, pale skin.

Her eyes widened and her body went still beneath him as she choked out loud. His entire weight was on her now as he straddled her stomach and pressed his knees sharply in her sides to keep her still. His fingers tightened slightly and his breathing quickened.

Phillip's cheek stung from the sharp contact with Jade's palm. For a moment, he stared down at her as the burning sensation tingled on his face. He was blinded by the anger, unable to think of anything but it. It wasn't just the anger from her. It was the anger from everything, finally exploding from him and making him lose complete control.

A strangled whimper left Jade's throat, slightly bringing Phillip back to reality.

His grip on her neck loosened a little, but it was still enough to make her realize the seriousness of the situation. Jade stayed completely still as her frightened and panicked eyes searched his. She breathed heavily. Her chest rose and fell violently with each breath she regained.

Phillip squinted his eyes shut. When he opened them, he met her frightened, wide eyes again.

"What the hell am I doing?" He stammered.

Panic hit him and Phillip released her neck immediately. She reached to her throat and gingerly touched it.

The atmosphere in the room felt heavy and almost dizzying.

Phillip sat back up, still keeping his weight on top of her. He rested his hands on his thighs.

"I…I…," Phillip stuttered, unable to conjure any explanation of the anger that had taken over him. He'd never gotten that angry with Jade before. He'd been rough with her sometimes, but never this rough. His roughness usually came out while he was stressed. The last few times that they'd been together he'd let his frustrations out on her a little. Each time she put her foot down, threatening that she wouldn't come back. He wasn't even sure if he was angry with Jade or if the aggravation from Penny and Ella had finally made him snap.

"Get off of me," Jade shrieked shakily.

Phillip didn't move. He couldn't. He still wanted her. He needed her.

"It's okay," he said quickly and nervously. It was meant to sound soothing, but it sounded he still sounded completely out of control.

"No it's not!" Jade struggled against him again.

Phillip reached for her wrists once again but she didn't allow him to take the reigns so easily again.

She rolled herself off of the bed and onto the floor when he eased his weight slightly off of her. Jade half crawled to the door as she panicked, sliding on the clothes and sheets that covered the hard floor.

Phillip rolled off of the bed too. Just as his feet hit the ground, she was darting out of the bedroom doorway.

"This is the last straw!" she shrieked.

"It was an accident!" He said quickly.

"No it wasn't!" Jade screamed.

"What are you gonna do?" Phillip bounded after her. "Nobody will believe you!" he added.

He darted through the kitchen after her.

Panicked sobs were echoed through the apartment as she rounded the kitchen table, knocking a chair in his path as she did.

"You tell and I'll send you out all alone. Do you want that?" Phillip leapt over the chair.

"Just leave me the hell alone!" Jade shrieked. "You're crazy!"

She reached the door and struggled with unlocking it, allowing Phillip to regain distance.

"Don't ever talk to me again!" Jade slammed the door back behind her just as he reached it.

Phillip slammed his hand against the doorframe and pressed his head against the wood of the door. He let out an aggravated groan as his hand slid down the wood.

Jade wouldn't tell. She wasn't that stupid. He knew that, but the frustration of being turned down enveloped him once again.

Meetings with Jade usually left him at least halfway satisfied. They weren't supposed to make him feel even worse.

* * *

Ella dried her dripping hair with one of the towels that had been brought by the Governor the day before. He hadn't been by at all today, and Ella's rumbling stomach roused her from bed. She'd taken a long shower, letting her tears fall once again with the warm water, and changed into some of the clothes he'd given her. Thankfully they fit her. The flare jeans were a light wash, much like the kind she always bought for herself. The shirt was a simple blue V-neck. She examined herself in the small wall mirror. It was times like this that she was thankful for her small bust size. She didn't have to worry about falling out of the low neckline or even wear an undershirt.

Ella ran her fingers through her blonde hair, gently removing the tangles.

Her eyes were slightly red rimmed, but her tears had stopped falling as soon as she gotten out of the shower.

Ella sat down back down on the edge of the bed as she squeezed more of the water out of her hair. Every now and then, she would glance toward the door. She expected that the Governor would be by soon. He'd came every other day, so she only assumed he would also come today.

Ella shook her head at her own assumptions. She felt slightly depressed that she was actually looking forward to his visit. Just the want to engage in a normal conversation was all she longed for. When she really thought about it and survivor's guilt wasn't claiming her, it meant a lot to know that someone cared enough to check up on her. Ella glanced to the empty food tray that the Governor had brought the day before.

* * *

Phillip climbed out of the shower and got dressed quickly. He was still fuming. The humid air from the shower made his face feel even hotter, and he felt no release even though he'd resorted to taking care of himself during his shower.

It hadn't done anything for him, not enough anyway.

Phillip knew that he needed to get out of the dreary, lonely apartment and busy himself.

He mentally ran through the projects that were going on around Woodbury. Merle and the others were supposed to be gathering the supplies from the town that Ella's husband had found, and Milton was working on the latest experiment with the dying old man.

Phillip studied his reflection in the mirror. He still couldn't calm down. The encounter with Jade was still fresh in his mind.

He didn't figure that he would run into her anytime soon. That wasn't the problem because she would probably be avoiding him at all costs now. His tongue flicked over his sore bottom lip once again. He hadn't ever been that rough with her before, never resorting to hitting or strangling her.

'Did it leave marks?' he wondered nervously.

"She made me do it," he muttered to his reflection as his hands tightened into fists. "It was her fault, not mine!"

Phillip's jaws clenched tightly at his own words. Without warning, he slammed his already made fist into the medicine cabinet mirror. It shattered immediately, sending shards of mirror raining down into the sink and the floor by his feet.

"Dammnitt!" he groaned aloud and gripped the sides of the cold porcelain sink.

His eyes trailed from the broken mirror, to the shards of glass, and finally to his bleeding knuckles.

Phillip released the sink and took a step back, avoiding the shards scattered among the floor.

When Phillip left his apartment, he shut and locked the door behind him. His hand, now wrapped in gauze, ached slightly from the cuts on his knuckles.

He shoved it into his vest pocket and walked on into the street. His eyes darted along nervously, searching for any sign of Jade.

People walked by him, offering a polite hello or a wave, completely blind to what was actually going on within him.

Phillip froze in his tracks as his eyes focused on a woman. As people walked in front of her, he frantically craned his neck to keep her in his sights.

"_Anne," _he breathed aloud.

For a moment, he thought that he was seeing things. He assumed that he'd finally totally snapped. His mouth fell open slightly and the world seem to blur around him. Phillip's eyes were completely focused on the blonde woman as if they were the only two on the street.

Then it hit him. Ella was walking slowly. Her hands were shoved into her front pockets and she was looking around, examining his town. The breeze blew her blonde hair around her pretty face.

Phillip sucked in a deep breath and let it out. Just the sight of her made his breath catch in his throat.

_Pretty please review!_


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